Cruising the bars

Pubs, clubs and bars are an obvious place to meet friends, and are still among the easiest places to find other gay men. While the growth of the gay scene provides an increasing range of alternatives in which to meet and socialise, bars are still very popular and are central to many local communities. The skills we use for cruising, meeting and chatting-up are pretty universal and can be adapted for use just about anywhere. Above all, be realistic about your expectations: if you go out thinking you're going to find 'him' you are likely to be disappointed. The air of desperation is easily recognised and drives many men away. Go with the flow, relax and enjoy yourself. You'll be a much better mood, you'll communicate better and if you don't pick up it'll be a case of 'so what... there's always tomorrow' rather than beating yourself up over 'failure'.

As you walk in, it does no harm to say hello to the security person. You never know when you might need them.

A lot of bar etiquette is macho stuff inherited from traditional pub culture where you can only 'be a man' if you look tough and drink a man's drink and it's against this you're sometimes measured. You should drink exactly what you want but bear in mind that certain combinations may make you suddenly less attractive to others. When was the last time you saw a skinhead with a pina colada, or a screaming queen holding a pint of Guinness?

If you smoke, make sure your pack is to hand and you're not wrestling with a drink, lighter, and a pack of cigarettes. Better still, give up the smoking and you'll have better health and only have your drink to worry about!

Find a place that gives you a decent view of what's going on, but, if it's busy, avoid the main thoroughfares to and from the bar, coat-check, toilets, dance floor and loudspeakers.

A busy venue is not necessarily a great place to cruise. If the venue's packed with punters moving around like herds of cattle it can be difficult both to see and be seen.

Guys are likely to look at you so, even if you're shy, try to acknowledge them with a friendly look or smile rather than looking as if you've lost a contact lens at the bottom of your glass.

Difficult though this might be to believe, you can't cruise everyone so identify a few guys and concentrate on them.

By all means move around, but not so much as to appear desperate or nervous. Someone could be looking for you, and staying in a couple of regular spots improves his chances. This online advice guide is an extract from the book TOGETHER, by kind permission of Patriic Gayle and Gay Times Books. The book itself is over 300 pages long and contains:

several chapters more useful advice and information

more in-depth information in some chapters

more pictures and tables

further contacts at the end of each chapter

a comprehensive listing of gay and health organisations Described by Qx magazine as a 'Gay Bible', Together Book is a practical reference work no bookshelf should be without.

Available from Prowler Stores and all good bookshops, or click the link below for price and ordering details.

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