Casual Sex

Casual sex and one night stands

Not everyone feels the need for a relationship. There are times in our lives when we're ready to settle down, other times when we prefer to play the field or be alone. Gay men may not have invented the one-night stand, but we have certainly turned it into an art form and, for many of us, it's how many friendships or relationships start. The unique sexual experience which comes with each new encounter also gives us an opportunity to develop our techniques and experiment with new practices. Casual sex is not restricted to bedrooms or clubs. It any happen just about anywhere and sometimes when you're not expecting it. It can also involve more than person. Casual sex should be about taking your sex drive out for a spin and having fun - without feeling guilty or feeling as if you're settling for second best. It's important to see casual sex for what it is. It should not be a substitute for that ever elusive relationship, although it's understandable that finding a boyfriend can mean having sex with several - perhaps many - men. While multiple partners can mean more experience, more confidence and more sexual satisfaction - it can also mean the reverse. Occasionally, a string of disappointing one-night stands can lead to a decrease in confidence and, over weeks or months, it can feel as if you're never going to find anyone again. All of us experience this and it's perfectly natural to have peaks and troughs. However, if you start to feel lonely or desperate or if you find yourself pining at two o'clock in the morning, its time to take a fresh look at your plan to get a man. Casual sex can be a response to a fear of closeness or loss, anxiety about rejection, or some other difficulty. It may help just to talk about it with your friends, but if that's not possible (or may be uncomfortable) this chapter has a few suggestions that may be of help Etiquette Over the years, unspoken rules of etiquette have evolved to help make sure we get the best of the encounter - even if there's no plan or arrangement to see each other again.

Guys may have different interests to you, and if you're into one thing sexually, make this clear beforehand. Deciding ahead of time what you are going to do sexually can seem tacky (or be a turn-on) but it's nothing compared to the disappointment you may both feel when you discover you're not sexually compatible.

If you're taking a guy back there's usually an assumption on his part that it's okay to stay the night. If he can't stay the night - tell him in advance. If you're going back but can't stay, sort this out before you get into the taxi. Also, make sure that you can get home. Always have cab money, and refuse invitations to the middle of nowhere.

If you later discover that you don't click or the sex doesn't seem to be working out, or if you start to feel uncomfortable, make your excuses and leave. At this point you may regret having told him that you can stay over, but there's no point in being over-polite if it's quite clear that you'd rather be somewhere else. Sometimes casual encounters work - sometimes they don't. Conversely, if you ask some body to leave, it's not essential but it's certainly a considerate gesture to make a contribution towards his fare home.

Once you've got down to business, don't roll over and fall asleep until you have both had an opportunity to cum unless one of you has said that he's not going to.

When you've done your stuff, it's usual to go your separate ways. Do not feel obliged to exchange phone numbers. You've (hopefully) both got what you want and the 'contract' is finished. But does that stop us? No. More often than not we play that fucking ridiculous telephone numbers game! This online advice guide is an extract from the book TOGETHER, by kind permission of Patriic Gayle and Gay Times Books. The book itself is over 300 pages long and contains:

several chapters more useful advice and information

more in-depth information in some chapters

more pictures and tables

further contacts at the end of each chapter

a comprehensive listing of gay and health organisations Described by Qx magazine as a 'Gay Bible', Together Book is a practical reference work no bookshelf should be without.

Available from Prowler Stores and all good bookshops, or click the link below for price and ordering details.over 300 pages long and contains:

several chapters more useful advice and information

more in-depth information in some chapters

more pictures and tables

further contacts at the end of each chapter

a comprehensive listing of gay and health organisations Described by Qx magazine as a 'Gay Bible', Together Book is a practical reference work no bookshelf should be without.

Available from Prowler Stores and all good bookshops, or click the link below for price and ordering details.

1091