Relationships Part 1

RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships are as individual as you and your partner and it's up to you to find type of relationship that meets both your needs. There is often a magic which is undecipherable but which intuitively draws two guys together. It's the heady stuff which makes us feel so alive when we fall in love and can also help to keep the relationship fresh and alive years later. Underpinning the emotional stuff are practical things we can do to give the relationship the best climate in which to grow. All relationships are risky, there is no guarantee they will work but this should never stop you trying.

I say potato, you say potarto...

You should have interests that are similar or complement each other, and accept that there will be differences between you. Trying to change someone into what you would like them to be will drive you apart, so acceptance of who he is is a pre-requisite. Fortunately, differences are often part of the attraction and so trying to smooth off the rough edges can dull the magic which brought you together. For example: gym bunnies and couch potatoes, opera queens and disco divas, vegans and carnivores are not necessarily going to work out but - stranger things have been known to happen. Sex is often an important (but not obligatory) factor in a healthy relationship but, all too often, it is the instrument against which we measure compatibility. It's been said that sex is 90% of a bad relationship and 10% of a good relationship. Think carefully before dismissing out of hand a man who has everything except a truncheon knob; equally, beware of starting a relationship with someone's dick (it might be all he is).


Honesty

You only have to read problem pages (gay or straight) to see that many relationship problems hinge on an inability to communicate honestly. Misunderstanding, conflict and mistrust are the staple diet of many a soap opera and invariably stem from partners not being open about their feelings. A relationship where partners are honest with each other makes it much easier to face up to problems and find solutions and, as an added bonus, you will learn to understand each other better. This can sometimes be difficult where someone close to you is concerned - but it will be a testament to your abilities that he won't feel threatened, betrayed or hurt. Love and respect between two people cannot exist if niggles, gripes, tensions, frustration and resentment are allowed to fester. In short, if you can't be honest: you're screwed.


Support and sharing

When a guy gives a damn about you, life's little arsewipes become that bit easier to manage. Equally, when you succeed in life, having your man there to share it with you is a big part of why guys get together in the first place. If you've been there already you'll understand, if not: it comes highly recommended. Successful relationships are based on mutual support and sharing. He's there for you and you're there for him. You're sick and he cares, he's sick and you care. He's sad and you hold him. You cry and he doesn't go clubbing. Bless. However, If you make all the effort in the relationship, he may soak it up like a sponge and in a short space of time you'll be drained, angry and resentful or vice-versa. He'll wonder what the fuss is about while you're making his thousandth cup of tea... he'll tell you not to be so stupid... and he'll say he loves you... Tears and big dramas will follow.



This online advice guide is an extract from the book TOGETHER, by kind permission of Patriic Gayle and Gay Times Books. The book itself is over 300 pages long and contains:

several chapters more useful advice and information

more in-depth information in some chapters

more pictures and tables

further contacts at the end of each chapter

a comprehensive listing of gay and health organisations

Described by Qx magazine as a 'Gay Bible', Together Book is a practical reference work no bookshelf should be without.

Available from Prowler Stores and all good bookshops, or click the link below for price and ordering details.

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