Getting older

Contrary to popular myth, gay men get older too! Unless you're flattened by a bus, most people live until 85 although a few of us thrive for more than 100 years. Several factors seem to make us grow old:

Every time a cell divides (to replace those which have died) the blueprint for making them gets a little fuzzier introducing less precise copies. Consequently, more faulty cells are made.

The body is gradually poisoned by a build-up of waste and toxins that it cannot process.

There is a progressive decline in the immune system's ability to detect and destroy micro-organisms and developing tumours.

Diet, exercise and hereditary traits. Put like this ageing doesn't sound so great - it might even sound a little grim - but, eventually, that's what bodies are designed to do. Nevertheless, with more of us living longer, more of us will still be here. Getting older is a fact of life and worrying about aging just wastes time we could be living. Hopefully, older means wiser, calmer and clearer about what's important to us. As an added bonus, friends we made when we were younger may still be our friends decades later. Obviously there are exceptions, but from about 35-40 years plus - older gay men tend to have:

A more rounded sense of who they are.

Greater emotional stability.

Grown increasingly comfortable with their sexual identity.

A more considered approach to life.

More confidence and are usually wiser.

Built up strong networks of friends.

Genuine interests ... other than alcohol, shopping and drugs!

An established home and financial security.

More sexual experience and a better understanding of what they like.

The potential for the security of a long-term, mutually supportive, relationship. As we get older, the body's ability to have sex changes - we may need more time to get turned on, get a hard-on and to cum. Erections may not be as stiff, you may prefer sex in the mornings when you're rested and erections can occur spontaneously. Having said that, the quality of sex tends to matter more over the numbers of shags we get, we are more likely to know what stimulates us, and we tend to be more considerate bed partners. Gay men in their 40s and above tend to put sex into perspective, prioritising life differently and developing other interests. This is perfectly normal. Sex is still great in later life but it doesn't occupy every waking moment. Mind you, while there is no reason why you cannot have sex until your 100th birthday, if you insist on fucking like a rabbit every night, you might resent your body if it sometimes refuses to co-operate. This online advice guide is an extract from the book TOGETHER, by kind permission of Patriic Gayle and Gay Times Books. The book itself is over 300 pages long and contains:

several chapters more useful advice and information

more in-depth information in some chapters

more pictures and tables

further contacts at the end of each chapter

a comprehensive listing of gay and health organisations Described by Qx magazine as a 'Gay Bible', Together Book is a practical reference work no bookshelf should be without.

Available from Prowler Stores and all good bookshops, or click the link below for price and ordering details.

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