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Sadomasochism


Some guys might be horrified if they thought they were into SM but if you have enjoyed nipple play, squeezing or tugging balls, spanking and giving/carrying out orders the likelihood is that you have already been there.

Most of us have imagined or fantasised about bondage, or other situations involving some level of dominance and submission. SM is about exploring and realising those fantasies in a safe, sane, consensual and fun way. Not all SM is overtly sexual although, for many, it is an integral part of sexual enjoyment and lovemaking. Traditionalists will probably say that pure SM is sexual excitement and enjoyment caused by inflicting or being subjected to pain. While accepting this view, sadomasochism is much broader and includes dominant and submissive role-playing, bondage and physical restraint, humiliation, verbal abuse and punishment. In some cases, these practices don't involve pain, but what they all share is the exchange of power between partners. Sometimes this is dramatic, at other times it can be more subtle, but the degree to which power is exchanged is not impotant so long as the experience is consensual and enjoyed. It is also said that SM practices involving pain heighten a sexual experience through the release of endorphins in the body. Many men say this experience is far more intense than that of 'vanilla' (non SM) sex. Punishment, torture, bondage , and humiliation are the most common SM practices, although they often overlap.

Before you get into activities with an obvious potential for harm, such as whipping, torture, heavy restraints, learn what you're doing first. If you're interested in SM and don't know where to start, SM Gays is a non-profit making social and educational group for gay men interested in consensual sexual sadomasochism. Run by volunteers its aim is to encourage safe and lawful SM practices through sharing of information among peple with similar interests. Amongst its activities, it holds events in Central London, produces resources and information sheets and runs courses to introduce people to safe consensual SM. They can be reached by post at SM Gays, BM SM Gays, London, WC1N 3XX or through the internet at www.smgays.org (their website is excellent), email info@smgays.org.


This online advice guide is an extract from the book TOGETHER, by kind permission of Patriic Gayle and Gay Times Books. The book itself is over 300 pages long and contains:

  • several chapters more useful advice and information
  • more in-depth information in some chapters
  • more pictures and tables
  • further contacts at the end of each chapter
  • a comprehensive listing of gay and health organisations

    Described by Qx magazine as a 'Gay Bible', Together Book is a practical reference work no bookshelf should be without.

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